Ted Dependent (3-1) 103.50 v Brown on my Henry Ass (2-2) 102.48

Well, this matchup sucked about as much as my opponent’s team name! Hey-o! Missed a few weeks so we’re playing catch-up today folks. So nevermind if these jokes make you want to catch-up to your imminent deaths. But seriously, Brown? On my Henry Ass? I think he’s trying to say hairy ass because he has a player named Derrick Henry? That’s my working theory so far. The jury’s still deliberating on this one. Alright, lets jump into the breakdown.

Baker May-be-Field-ing some hard hitting questions from reporters this week after he spent 60 hard hitting minutes with Minnesotan linebackers, squelching out 9.30 points for the victorious Ted Dependent. Thankfully, Baker’s antics were upstaged by the namesake of this story’s heroine, Theodore Bridge-on-the-River-Kwater. Teddy B.O.T.R.K. laid an absolute goose egg that hatched into an ugly gosling, generously rated at 6.8 points. Although both QB’s played like the dried up half lemon in your fridge, Ted Dependent was saved but the pulpy performance of JuJu Shit-Juicer and Kanye Grapefruit who combined for a disrespectable 2.30 points.

The good people here at Ted Dependent are thanking their lucky stars to grind out a one point win this week and are hoping to, at one point, be a mediocre fantasy team.

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