Tanzania Demond Panthers (2-4) 140.5 v Team sixty-niners (0-6) 110.5
WAKE UP, PEOPLE! It’s 9am on a Monday, I’m 4 coffees deep and I just read an emotional letter from my now-moved-out roommate, LET’S GET EMOTIONAL, BABY! This week’s breakdown is brought to you by unsustainable energy and untethered emotions. Never have I been more ready to write about fake football teams and sports gambling.
Notching their 2nd win of a dismal season, Tanzania Demond Panthers were able pull off the unexpected victory thanks to the performances of TJ Wait-Watts-The-Score and Oh-My-Josh-We-Might-Actually-Win Allen. Despite receiving a generous 27 points from Leonard Skynyrd Fournette, Team sixty-niners’ debut EP was a flop due to the uninspiring backup vocals provided by Devin Barry White and Mike Will-Made-It-iams.
The good people here at TDP would like to classify this as a “building week” for their team, but that would be lie. The only thing built this week were the impenetrable walls around my unstable emotions. Make sure to come back next week for when I ask my dad to tell me one thing he’s proud of me for.