After Engagement Party, Bachelorette, Bridal Shower, Ceremony, and Reception, Bride Claims Being Married “Still Hasn’t Sunk in Yet”

The morning after her morning-after wedding brunch, Kelli Parch (“wait no, Kelli Dalton haha, oh my god, just listen to me”) continued to express her disbelief that her wedding month had finally come to end. “I just can’t believe I was able to pull this all off” exclaimed Kelli, “the list of things I had to delegate and send Venmo requests for was massive”. What started as just a “normal fairytale wedding” turned into a multi-weekend marathon, chalk full of celebrate-me activities for the attention deprived newlywed. From obnoxiously large group texts to asking the bridal party to cover the damage she personally caused to the Airbnb, Kelli (a.k.a Kelly with an “I”) made sure her friends and family knew this was “her moment, goddammit” and where to send their checks.

“When she asked me to ask her to marry me, I knew she was the one,” commented her schlubby hubby Evan, “I’m excited to no longer get berated about our wedding and go back to just getting berated about my general existence.”

Let’s see what people are saying about this: